Should I Tell My Adult Kids Why We’re Getting Divorced?

 Posted on September 10, 2025 in Adult Children and Divorce

Divorce later in life, often called "gray divorce," is far more common than it used to be. If you are over 50 and considering divorce in Illinois, one of the hardest parts may be telling your adult children. You may wonder how much to say, how honest to be, and whether your reasons for ending the marriage should be shared.

At Divorce Over 50 - Goostree Law Group, our DuPage County divorce attorneys have decades of experience helping clients through life changes like this. We know how important family bonds are, and we help clients think about divorce with clear legal advice and compassionate planning.

Do Adult Children Need All the Details About a Divorce?

Experts agree that while honesty is important, oversharing can do more harm than good. Knowing every detail of what went wrong in your marriage can change your children’s relationship with you and your spouse in ways you may not be able to take back.

According to family counselors, it is best to use simple explanations. You can be clear that the marriage was no longer working without assigning blame or describing private problems. This approach gives your children context without putting them in the middle.

Therapists caution against turning your children into emotional support during divorce. While you may be tempted to lean on them, this can damage your relationship and force them into an uncomfortable role. Try not to discuss negative feelings about your spouse, and do not ask your kids to take sides. Instead, rely on friends, counselors, or support groups for the deeper conversations.

So What Should You Say to Adult Kids About Divorce?

When talking with your children, keep your message direct, calm, and loving. You might say that you and your spouse made this decision after careful thought and that you believe it is the healthiest path forward. Many parents are surprised by how understanding and even relieved their children are to see their parents separate when they are unhappily married.

It can also help to acknowledge your kids’ feelings. Even if they are independent, divorce can be upsetting. Adult children will probably worry about holidays, family gatherings, or showing loyalty to each parent. Giving them space to think things over and letting them know their emotions are legitimate will help keep your relationship strong.

When you are ready to talk about the divorce, choose a calm, private time to share the news. If you can, coordinate with your spouse so that your children hear the same message from both of you. The more consistent you can be about the separation, the better your children are likely to respond.

Unfortunately, of course, this is not always possible. Some marriages end after many years of abuse, neglect, or resentment. In these cases, the less you say, the better. Your children probably already know why you are ending the marriage, but you still want to try to involve them as little as possible in the unpleasant process of separation.

Contact a Wheaton, IL Divorce Lawyer

If you are considering divorce later in life, you deserve support that addresses both the legal and personal sides of the process. At Divorce Over 50 - Goostree Law Group, our DuPage County divorce attorneys have decades of experience guiding clients over 50 through every step of divorce. Call us today at 630-634-5050 to schedule your free consultation.