Managing the Holidays for the First Time After a Gray Divorce

 Posted on October 11, 2025 in Divorce Over 50

One of the things that keeps many people in marriages they otherwise want to leave is the idea of figuring out what to do over the holidays. This question is especially acute when children are young and depend on both parents for daily support. But when a couple’s children are grown adults with children of their own, what to do on the holidays after a divorce still requires some careful thought. 

If you truly want a divorce in Illinois but are deterred by the thought of dividing holidays between households, you are not alone. Other people have shared your concerns, gotten divorced, and gone on to greatly enjoy spending time with family and friends during the holidays. There are smart, structured ways to manage this aspect of divorce later in life, and our Geneva, IL divorce attorneys can talk to you about what might work for you.

Will My Kids Be Willing to Split the Holidays Between Me and My Ex?

Even the most unhappy marriages leave spouses with children they love and want to spend time with. The focus during the holidays is very much on giving gifts to kids, making favorite foods, and creating lasting memories of a happy childhood.

However, an unhappy marriage rarely pauses its dysfunction for the holidays. Sticking with someone when you have years of built-up anger and resentment can make the holidays a recipe for disaster rather than joy.

Adult children almost always understand when their parents are unhappily married. When they have the independence and maturity to realize that marriages do not always work out, and that you and your spouse may really be better off without each other, most adult children are more than willing to trade fights and icy silence for peaceful holidays with each separate parent.

Dividing Time with Your Adult Children During the Holidays After Divorce

The best approach for you to divide holidays will depend on a number of factors. These include not only your personal preferences, but:

• How far away you and your ex end up living from each other

• Whether your kids decide they want to spend every holiday with you both, or to create some kind of alternating schedule

• Whether your children have children of their own, and, if so, whether your house is suitable for very young kids when parents are distracted with cooking, cleaning, and entertaining

Talking with your adult children to find out what they prefer, and then helping accommodate those preferences, is always a good idea. Your children will probably also want to discuss among themselves, especially if they are married and are rotating between your house and their in-laws.

Making Holidays Welcoming for Your Adult Children After Divorce

You may have years of unresolved complaints with your ex, but to your kids, your ex is just as much their parent as you are. Be very careful about badmouthing your ex to your kids or getting stuck in cycles of repeating your grievances. Instead, make your home a place where the focus is on your kids – not you or your divorce – and save those difficult processing conversations for trusted friends and peers.

Practically speaking, you may need to spend some time making your house an easy place for your kids to be in. Many couples take for granted that their kids have old bedrooms with childhood furniture, decorations, and more. But this may very well change when you get divorced, especially if you sell the house or move out. Talk to your kids about what they need to be comfortable in your home. The more comfortable and welcoming you can make your house, especially for your grandkids, the more time you can look forward to spending with them.

Contact Our Yorkville, IL Gray Divorce Attorneys Today

The prospect of spending the holidays with children and grandchildren divided between you and your ex is challenging, and understandably so. However, compared to staying in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life, it may be a challenge worth figuring out.

If you are in your 50s, 60s, or beyond and are considering divorce, many other logistical problems need solving. At Divorce Over 50 - Goostree Law Group, our Geneva, IL divorce attorneys are experienced with serving clients who get divorced later in life. We offer practical, sensitive solutions to the important problems this change can bring. Call us today at 630-634-5050 to schedule a free consultation.