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Naperville IL grey divorce lawyerOne of the primary concerns of those divorcing later in life is the impact the divorce could have on their finances. Often, those who have been married for more than 20 or 30 years have retired by the time they decide to get divorced. Separating decades of finances can be a stressful experience, especially when no more money is being made by one or both parties.

Spousal support (sometimes known as “alimony”) may be necessary to keep one spouse financially secure through later life when working full-time is no longer an option. This is especially true in long-term marriages where one spouse gave up his or her career prospects to care for the couple’s children and home.

In situations like these, the non-working spouse is often too old to go back to work and feasibly support themself through the rest of their lifetime. As such, spousal support may be awarded to a spouse for life or for a period equal to the length of the marriage.

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Naperville IL gray divorce attorneyEven though Illinois is a no-fault divorce state and does not allow for causal blame in the divorce process, family members may still view one party in a divorce as “causing” the divorce to happen. In the face of hostility or bitterness during your divorce after 50, you may naturally wonder if your divorce will impact your ability to have a positive relationship with your grandchildren.

Issues with Adult Children

The most common problems that could have an impact on your relationship with your grandchildren are likely to stem from your relationship with your own child. While older divorcing couples may avoid dealing with some of the problems of having very young children in a divorce, such as custody battles or child support payments, it would be a mistake to think your divorce will not have any effect on your adult children.

Adult children can and do have as complex and difficult reactions to their parents’ divorce as young children do. They may feel guilty, angry, responsible, or resentful towards you. Your divorce may cause them to doubt the longevity of their own relationships and question the validity of marriage in general. They may take this out on you by restricting access to your grandchildren.

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Naperville IL gray divorce attorneyAccording to the AARP, 66 percent of midlife or gray divorces are initiated by women. This may be surprising: women, who are often tasked with the responsibilities of holding family life together, may seem like the party we would least expect to initiate a divorce. This may seem especially true later in life, when the children are grown and the prospects of grandchildren, retirement, and more personal freedom are on the horizon.

Research has provided fascinating insights into the reasons women pursue grey divorce. Understanding why other women have filed for divorce can help someone who may be on the fence about the matter. If you recognize yourself in any of the following situations, it may be time to contact a divorce attorney.

Emotional or Psychological Abuse

Abby Rodman, a family psychotherapist who designed a survey taken by hundreds of women, admitted she herself was surprised by the fact that 53 percent of her respondents said they left due to psychological or emotional abuse.

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Naperville IL divorce lawyerDivorce is one of the most difficult life events an individual or family can face, and being older and more financially entangled can add significant challenges to the process. The decision to get divorced after 50 should only be made after serious consideration, and people commonly feel some hesitation about what to do and when to do it. Fortunately, there are attorneys experienced in divorce among older couples, and there are things you can do yourself to prepare for divorce and make the process go as smoothly as possible.

Consider Mediation or Collaborative Divorce

Fewer divorce cases go to court than in the past–and for good reason. Spouses who use mediation or a collaborative divorce process often have smoother divorces, and both parties can save time and money. There is more independent decision-making, and the formality and hassle of court proceedings can be avoided. However, collaborative divorce is often insufficient for divorces involving complex financial situations or significant assets, especially if one person controls the finances and the other may be unaware of the couple’s full financial picture.

Think Carefully About Finances

One of the most important and complex aspects of divorce after 50 is the divorcing couple’s financial picture. Spouses who are divorcing at older ages can have decades of commingled bank accounts, multiple homes, retirement funds, and Social Security benefits to work through.

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Kane County gray divorce attorneyOne of the biggest myths surrounding a gray divorce is that the divorce will not affect the adult children of the divorcing couple. A gray divorce, or one that takes place after the age of 50, has the potential to affect everyone in the family. Even though you may not have to deal with issues like child support and parenting time, your adult children can take the news of your divorce just as harshly as young children would. Most divorcing couples with adult children do not factor them into the divorce equation at all. While they are farther removed from the situation than a minor child would be, there are still things that you should do to protect your adult children during your gray divorce.

Understand that Your Adult Children Will Grieve the Divorce

Many people feel as if their adult children will not feel the effects of the divorce; however, that is simply not true. Even when your children are adults, a divorce can affect their lives. The dynamics of the family that they know and grew up with are changing while the world around them is telling them that they should not be affected by their parents’ issues. A sense of isolation is common for adult children of divorce, as they feel like they are unable to talk to anyone about how they are feeling. Encouraging your children to talk to you about how they feel toward the divorce can help them cope with their feelings.

Adult Children Often Feel Stuck in Between Parents

When children and parents are both adults, the relationship often changes. Rather than the parent-child relationship during their childhood, it becomes more of a friendship during your child’s adult years. This can often lead to parents oversharing during a divorce. Even though your child is an adult and has the capacity to understand all of your issues, that does not mean they need or want to hear about them. Even adults deserve to be able to maintain relationships with their parents without the influence of events that happened between their parents.

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